Growing up, watching Disney movies, love was always the main goal for the princess. You would watch the bad guy lose the fight and then magically she would fall in love with prince charming. It never occurred to me that their love at first sight, might have been lust. The princess and the prince did not know each other very well; so how could it have been love? Since most people can’t tell the difference, I figured I would try and help clarify the different between the two. This week’s post is about lust and how to tell you’re in it.
Sexual attraction and Appearance
Your sexual desires and your partner’s appearance are the main basis of your relationship. If you’re not having sex and your partner doesn’t dress to your standards, your relationship doesn’t feel right. Therefore, if he’s not muscular, drive a nice car and/or as a good job you’re not interested. If you don’t have a big butt, large breast and/or impress his friends with your supermodel looks then his eyes wonder to the next available woman. You then become insecure about your relationship and never find peace of mind, since you’re not confident that you can sustain his attention without the fluff.
You’re constantly worried that your “partner” is being unfaithful. Concerned that you’re not pretty nor sexy enough to keep his attention. Constantly fairing the inevitable, of another woman steeling your partner from you. Hence you check he’s phone, stalker his whereabouts and even starting arguments to trap him in his lies. Hence you find yourself fighting for his attention on a regular basis.
Your constant calls/texts go’s unanswered or he does not respond in an timely manner. If you’ve contacted him at 9 am and he only gets back to you the next day then you’re not that important to that person. I know you’ve started planning your lives together in your mind, but let it go, if it was love you wouldn’t have to worry about his actions.
You or he couldn’t careless
If he called to tell you that he was in the hospital, you would wish him well but would not miss work to be by his side. The only reaction you can muster is a human reaction to that person’s pain. Since the relationship is only skin deep your feelings are very general. You could take them or leave them, it makes no difference in your life.
I remember being angry at my ex for not having a medical card and that I had never meet his family. The reason I wanted him to do this was not to solidify my place as his girlfriend. It was to know that if anything should have happened to him, his family would notify me since I wasn’t a relative and that he would be taken care of at the hospital. His well being was important to me. Therefore, he added me as his emergency contact person to stop me from worrying.
He take’s no interest in your life
He will listen to you rant for the reward of sex and only for that reason. If you asked him what you send, he will never be able to repeat the general summary of the conversation (or only a small part). He doesn’t care about you family matters, your health nor your worries. Sex is his only reason for beginning with you. If the sex goes bad he will disappear once he can find someone else.
He will never ask how your mother is doing or if you still hate your job. That’s not what is important to him. If sex is not on the table don’t bother calling since he will not answer or show up. After sex, his Houdini act kicks in and he makes any excuse to leave. There is also never a set time that he will contact you again. He just ends with “I will talk to you later”. When someone is in love, all you want to do is spend time with that person, when you’re not busy. Lust all you want to do is have sex with that person because they’re hot.
You know when someone is not for you, the feel is in your bones. Asking yourself hundreds of time if he/she is for you and the answer will always be NO. Yes, you can fool yourself into thinking that things will change but even if they do you will always remember how the person treated you. Maya Angelou said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
If that person made you doubt your beauty, intelligence or yourself; you’ll always remember the pain. Why stay with someone like that for lust when love is so much better.
I hope that this post helps you gain some clarity in your situation. If you know that your relationship as not been blessed by God move on or ask him “what are your intentions?”. Life is too short to be living with doubt.
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