Make Up Break Up

How to break the cycle

You met a man in an unlikely place and in an unlikely situation. Instantly you’re attracted to him. He makes you laugh, he’s charming and the love making in is incredible. When you see him you get an instant rush? Dressing up on every date to always look your best. But there is something wrong with him, you just can’t put your finger on it. You continue to live in the illusion of him and you start to create a future in your mind; getting married, kids, a home…etc. After months of great love making he disappears only to come back sometime later. He stands you up for dates and he can never make plans in advance. Your friends are telling you he’s no good and your family wants to meet him (which he avoids at all cost). My girl you have yourself a Mr. Lucky.

I met my Mr. Lucky early one sunny morning. He had everything, good looks, nice car and was very charming. But looks can be deceiving. Mr. Lucky would entice me with his charms and his outgoing personality. I would’ve called you a liar if you would have told me that our relationship would last as long as it did.

Looking back, I would call myself naive and even gullible as a young woman. Maybe it was low self-esteem since this person seemed like everything I needed. As in any Harlequin novel, the love making was incredible and the breakups were dramatic. Alas in my head, he was the one and if anyone contradicted that statement they would be immediately cut off. What did they know about our love? Haters all of them! LOL, it didn’t matter how many baby mothers he had or how much drama he brought in my life, I was in “LOVE”. In love with the idea of being in love.

Isn’t it funny how even though you know you’re not with the right person, you still hold on longer than you should. This wasn’t fair to me our him, since by being together we were hurting each other. Trying to create something from a bad and toxic situation. You know the saying “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans” well God was laughing. I planned to change him and live this great life out of our broken situation.

The problem wasn’t Mr. Lucky, the problem was with my imagination. I never asked this man if he wanted the same things as I did and I never took the time to get to know him. We were having fun and when the fun was over we would separate. That was not a good foundation for a solid relationship. But the question was how do I stop the cycle from repeating itself?

Here is what I came up with:

  1. Stop listening to your heart and your imagination

I know it’s hard to walk away, when you feel like you’ve put so much of your time and energy into the relationship. While your imagination keeps replaying the “what ifs” in your head; What if you got married and have kids? What if you could change him? And the hardest one of all; what if he met some else, they get married and have kids with that person?

Let those ideas go, I know it’s easier send than done but you must. Try this tip, when you imagine yourself with “Mr. Lucky” replace him with someone else. Some that is the opposite of Mr. Lucky. But do this with a new man that is nothing like him.

  1. Stop remembering

Stop remembering the good times and the bad ones. They both keep you living in the past, that is why you’re unable and unwilling to move on with your life.

The reason why I called him Mr. Lucky was not because he had good luck. It’s because he is lucky enough to have found a person like you. Someone who stands by him even with all his bull through the cheating, the lying and the drama. And he will find someone else to pull his fraud on but just make sure it’s not you.

  1. Don’t let yourself go

Don’t let your life and appearance deteriorate because he’s not with you. Get dressed up and go out on the town with your girls/guys and have some fun. Start a new hobby outside of your house. You never know when the man of your dreams will show up and sweep you of your feet. So, keep yourself looking great and remember you can fake it till you make it. Therefore, if you’re not completely happy in this moment just fake it until one day you are happy. It really works.

  1. Stop making room for him to comeback

You may not be doing this intentionally but you are doing it. You know when you meet a new guy and all you can do is see his flaws and you can’t help comparing him to “Mr. Lucky”? Stop looking to your past to find your future.

Maybe your future “boo” is not perfect but he comes with no baggage in his life. He may not be the most handsome or charming but he treats you like goddess. Give him a chance, if you guys have chemistry.

  1. Let go of the regrets

Stop regretting what could have been, when you know fully well that Mr. Lucky is not thinking about you. He’s not staying awake at night, not going out with his friends, letting himself go… You know he found another woman to replace you with, as he did for every other woman before you. You are in your house getting older by the second, wasting your precious time pining over a man that had the nerve to leave you in the first place?

Let him go and move on. You only have one life to live, call your friends, family or therapist. Whatever it takes to move forward in your life. He is not worth this much energy.

I have left my Mr. Lucky and I’m better person for doing so. I hope that with these tips that you can do the same and hopefully find someone who really dissevers your love.

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